Several years ago I made a comment to a relative in-law that just because I’m a mom doesn’t mean I automatically have anything in common with all other moms. I got the dirtiest look! I didn’t take it personally because she didn’t really understand me anyway and I knew her disgust had nothing to do with me. But it did get me thinking. Why did she think I was wrong?
Most of us were raised in a certain social structure and that structure dictated that our friends are supposed to be ones that we are thrown in together with at school. If we weren’t popular and didn’t just happen to click with those people that the only thing we had in common with was that we were in the same class, then there was something “wrong” with us. Does this make sense?
People tend to get stuck in that mindset. Once they are out of school, they either go to college or get a job and then their new friends are expected to be in those environments. Hopefully, if you get a job that you love and that job speaks to who you are, you will be around others that also have that passion and those friendships will be meaningful. If you just get a job to have one that won’t necessarily be the case.
If you don’t get a job and decide to be a full time parent, then it is expected that you will be doing things like mom’s club, play dates, etc. and your friends will automatically be those people. But what if… what if the people who you have the most in common with are aren’t there. Then there’s the appearance that there’s something wrong with you again.
I see this happen with homeschoolers as well. They make friends with other homeschool parents just because they are there. They may not really feel any true connection with those people and may not even really like them but they settle because it more convenient and they don’t know any other way.
Here is what I have learned. True connection with other people is what everyone really wants. It's what everyone needs. If you aren’t finding it with the people around you right now, you are just living in reaction to your outside life. You aren’t living true to who you really are.
How do you solve that? I suggest you literally sit down and make a list of everything that excites you. Include things that you may not have done in a long time because you have been too “busy.” The best way to create your own support system and have friends who love you for who you truly are is to be who you truly are. You have to start living it! Take that list and pick one thing that you are going to focus on getting back into your life. If you really enjoy doing whatever that is again, you will find that the people who click with you best are there with no intentional effort on your part.
I can’t tell you how many times I have said to someone asking my advice about something they are stuck on that all they need is a shift in perspective. I find that the “stuck” people are only stuck because they only are seeing their life as it is right now or has been before and not what it could be. Once you start focusing more on the kind of life that speaks to your soul (and mind you, not just because it sounds good!), you will find that you don’t have to make any concerted effort to be in the company of people you have true connection with.
As a Parent Coach and Mentor, my passion lies in empowering parents to make the best decisions they can for their children and their families as a whole. As a well-trained coach, I can be your facilitator and accountability partner for long-lasting, meaningful change that has a permanent, positive impact for your family. By focusing on the values that you hold most important in your life, I can help you create and maintain the type of parenting relationship you want to have with your children, now and into their adulthood.
I am a homeschooling mom of four children in Massachusetts. I am also the author of a book called The Herbal Beverage Book, which can be found on amazon or directly on my website. When not coaching, writing or spending time with the family, I enjoy Hayao Miyazaki films, new and classic Dr. Who episodes, anything related to American history and a great glass of mead.
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This blog is a collection of thoughts, articles and perspectives I have at any one time. While I am pretty consistent in my beliefs, life changes and evolves along with experiences. You may feel a connection with me through my writing yet I never want any of my readers to misunderstand that the connection you feel is with a perspective I have shared and not me as a person. I am continually humbled that I am able to connect with my readers, and I hope to continue to be able to for many years to come, but it doesn't make us connected in any way beyond this. If you connect with what I write and know me as an acquaintance, this in no way reflects that I have any knowledge of you, your situation in life or that I am writing with you in mind. It is merely that I have shared a human experience that most likely very many others have had has well. This also goes for anything I post on my Twitter account, Facebook Page and Facebook personal page. I wanted to make this disclaimer as clear as possible so you know that any misunderstanding you choose to have is not my responsibility.