At a time when people seem to be obsessed with experts, how do you become your own? It takes time and focus but it can be done. Depending on how much effort you put into it, it can even be life changing.
First, you need to know yourself and be honest with yourself. Have you ever followed someone else’s advice that didn’t feel right but you pushed through it anyway? You need to really FEEL your truth not just talk yourself into someone else’s. That is one of the most common ways that I have seen people do something that they really knew wasn’t best for them. They ignored their inner truth and thought that having a positive outlook would make everything all better. Don’t fake it! If you have ideals and goals that are important to you, don’t let anyone talk you out of them.
You need to be patient with yourself and check in with yourself often. If you can be in the habit of constantly checking in with yourself you can make course corrections as you go along. Have you ever had an experience where you realized you made a big mistake, corrected it and then realized that you had little signs along the way but you ignored them? Correcting the little mistakes along the way is a lot easier than trying to fix a big one at a much later time. Unfortunately, a big fix often results in people making that big mistake all over again because they don’t go back and do the work on themselves regarding the whys and hows of the little things they kept ignoring.
You need to take responsibility for yourself and not do only what feels good to you in the moment. For some, doing what feels good in the moment means ignoring or running away from the problem. People turn to un-parenting, divorce, quitting their job, keeping unsupportive friends, etc. often when what they really need to do is find a way to work on what got them there in the first place. The urge to fix something is only too easy to satisfy. You have heard “Wherever you go, there you are.” Running away or pretending it doesn’t exist by shutting down is not going to fix anything.
You need to be open to being wrong. Now this doesn’t mean you need to be self-deprecating by sharing every mistake you make with the world. It just means allowing yourself to be imperfect. You are allowed to change your mind! Sometimes you can’t see the big picture yet. When you start seeing where things are going you can make adjustments along the way. Sometimes you need to feel your way into a new point of view. Don’t pressure yourself into finding the perfect solution now. It will most likely evolve.
The one thing I ALWAYS go back to when I talk to anyone about this topic, is to keep focusing, and refocusing, on what you want. Sometimes that’s a moving target. You may realize that what you thought you wanted isn’t really what you truly want on the way there. It’s ok to change your mind and retune it. Don’t force yourself to get there but do at least one thing every day that will help you keep you moving in that direction.
Becoming your own expert doesn’t happen overnight. You can’t take a course and become certified. You have to make the commitment to yourself to do it. You need to become extremely self-aware. I also want you to understand that in the process you will be slowly redefining your relationships, but if done authentically and patiently there is no reason that the shifts that take place can’t be positive ones.
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As a Parent Coach and Mentor, my passion lies in empowering parents to make the best decisions they can for their children and their families as a whole. As a well-trained coach, I can be your facilitator and accountability partner for long-lasting, meaningful change that has a permanent, positive impact for your family. By focusing on the values that you hold most important in your life, I can help you create and maintain the type of parenting relationship you want to have with your children, now and into their adulthood.
I am a homeschooling mom of four children in Massachusetts. I am also the author of a book called The Herbal Beverage Book, which can be found on amazon. When not coaching, writing or spending time with the family, I enjoy Hayao Miyazaki films, new and classic Dr. Who episodes, anything related to American history and a great glass of mead.
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This blog is a collection of thoughts, articles and perspectives I have at any one time. While I am pretty consistent in my beliefs, life changes and evolves along with experiences. You may feel a connection with me through my writing yet I never want any of my readers to misunderstand that the connection you feel is with a perspective I have shared and not me as a person. I am continually humbled that I am able to connect with my readers, and I hope to continue to be able to for many years to come, but it doesn't make us connected in any way beyond this. If you connect with what I write and know me as an acquaintance, this in no way reflects that I have any knowledge of you, your situation in life or that I am writing with you in mind. It is merely that I have shared a human experience that most likely very many others have had has well. This also goes for anything I post on my Twitter account, Facebook Page and Facebook personal page. I wanted to make this disclaimer as clear as possible so you know that any misunderstanding you choose to have is not my responsibility.